From one of our members:
Attending Trans Pride recently, I saw a placard that read “trans joy is resistance.”
What might this mean for therapy?
Many things come to mind - perhaps starting at the thought that making space for joy can resist the idea that a trans identity is inherently joyless. As therapists, we spend a lot of time being with people as they talk about their distress, hurt and anger. But joy has an important place, too. Not as something we should all be striving towards or some sort of end point, but as part of the mix of emotions and experiences that make up being human. A recognition that joy is possible helps us get through the times when things are most difficult. It helps us imagine new ways of living, of being together. And recognising and celebrating sources of joy can be an important part of therapeutic work.
I often feel as though the narrative around trans people in therapy, and conversion therapy, assumes that trans/ non-binary/ gender non-conforming people only ever go to therapy because they are confused about their gender and want to discuss that confusion. But many, many trans people access therapy for other reasons, and their gender is not a focus. They might want to discuss a bereavement, a breakup; to think about how their early family relationships are affecting their current relationships. To adjust to a move or a job change. In short, trans people – like anyone else – might access therapy for a myriad reasons.
For those who want to discuss their gender, often it’s not about their own ‘struggles’ with this, but about other people’s reactions. Perhaps rejection by family, or their experience of discrimination or violence. I hear a lot of gender critical therapists speak as though ‘affirming’ someone’s gender means reacting to anyone wanting to explore their gender by pushing them to immediately pursue transition. There is a whole other blog in the role of exploration in therapy – for now I will just say that I know as a client how powerful it can be to have a space to explore freely, one where there is no value assigned to the outcome of that exploration. This applies to gender and sexuality, but to a host of other topics as well.
But for now I am thinking about people who come to therapy and feel settled in their queer identity. They’re not wanting to explore it; it’s a part of who they are. It might inform how they see the world or their interactions, but again it’s not what they want to focus on.
How does this connect to joy?
Because the other thing I hear clients talk about is exactly that. The joy they have found in community or accepting themselves. Sometimes that joy replaces hateful family relationships or harmful media messages. It might be what gives them the strength to pursue a dream, start a new relationship, create communities – even to come to therapy. And for me, as a therapist, being beside someone as they are able to share all of themself, as they find the sense of safety they need to begin the work they want to do – that is its own source of joy.
